My days feel liek they become harder and harder to cope with. It seems like I have inner deamons I am constantly fighting against. These deamons put feelings and ideas inside me that make me sick mentally and physically.
I just hung up the phone with my insurance company inquiring about mental institutions and what my insurance covers. Just out of curiosity... sometimes I feel like I just need to run away and abandon it all. I feel like I don't want to be me or exist in the situation that I am in. I am tired of fighting and being (or attempting to be strong) and not getting anywhere. I am tired of being tired and not be able to do a darn thinga bout it. I am just sick of it all and I want to run away. Then I hang up the phone and answer an incoming call: Tim. He is crying on the other end after receiving a phone call from his doctor telling him he has to go back into the hospital for a blood transfussion. Just when he was telling me yesterday that he felt he was getting stronger and was sure he would not need one. He was crushed and I with him. So no such luck for me. No rest for me.
Just put your feelings aside. Force them into the already overfilled box and put a heavy load ontop to keep the box from popping open and letting those feelings out. Snap out of it, put yourself together and go be positive and optimistic. Pull energy you don't have and pick Tim up and get him through this little bump on the road to the unknown. Tell him: soon we will see the light. You'll see! Then smile and be cheerful even though inside you are broken and destroyed.
